Or something else

Are you seeking security or adventure?

Interesting that this prompt came up today because the other question is, given a choice what would you choose, stability or love?

This is another loaded question isn’t it. And one of those questions that doesn’t have a definitive answer. We only learn as we go through life. Sometimes we believe we’ve made the right choice and there are times we go through what if’s.

I came across a write up online written by Siobhan Byrd where she says she would choose passionate love rather than not experiencing love. According to her, stability and security also means empty love. We’re choosing what we think is right and practical. Stability comes with disinterest, apathy and growing into complacency. What is the point of stability and security when we can’t feel excited and our heart beating for some kind of love. And when the relationship ends we’d feel so much time was wasted, whatever effort one invested in the relationship felt worthless and the brutal truth is that it comes with more regrets. The writer makes a good point when she says, stable and secure can make people too comfortable and stop growing into better people.

A passionate love though, does not easily fade away. It is exciting, thrilling and ever-changing. Does this mean adventurous love? It is a once-in-a-lifetime love and comes with no regrets or remorse if it were to end. No one can take away this experience of loving as passionately and deeply that she says can only ‘change you into a better person’. This is debatable. Does this kind of love change one into a better person or could it turn in to an obsessive and unhealthy love. But, if I were to look at the positive, I’d say love has the power to make us want to be better for the other, not because they expect or even ask but you come to that self awareness about oneself and strive to be better, for them as much as for oneself. 

Moreover, the writer says a stable and secure relationship can also appear as ‘conflict-free’. I believe this is true. For the sake of some peace and a drama free life, we shirk away from what we think as conflict instead of just recognizing the problem for what it is and working towards a solution together. Conflict is not always drama, there are deeper, underlying issues that require some soul searching, vulnerability, communication and comprehension to come out stronger and better on the other side. Healthy conflict (is there such a thing as healthy conflict?) is necessary and inevitable in a relationship, as long as two people are fighting on the same side. This is enough reason to stay and fight for that remarkable once-in-a-lifetime love. Can this kind of passionate love be traded for stability, I wonder. 

The writer believes that passionate love leads to excitement, loyalty, dedication and commitment tenfold. “A passionate love feels like losing yourself within the person and finding them safe in your arms all at the same time” to quote the writer herself. Why does this make me want to be young and reckless again 🤣.

The choice is not as black and white, there are just too many in betweens. But, whether one chooses stability or passionate love, both come with their own challenges. Life does not discriminate but it also depends on two people and what is valuable in their relationship.